Armed burglars demand egg beater, reports the Tampa Tribune (and my mother) in a bizarre story from Dec. 14. Two Florida men were charged with armed burglary after authorities found them outside a home where the victim reported the incident.
The sheriff’s office said the two men came into the victim’s home about 3:35 a.m. (The suspect) armed himself with a folding knife while (a second suspect) held a chrome pistol, arrest reports said.
(The suspect) held the knife against the victim’s neck and demanded the metal egg beater which was found in his left back pocket when he was arrested, the sheriff’s office said.
The report also said the victim knew both men.
I don’t think that last part makes me feel any better about the whole thing.
The suspects are being held without bond.
I’m not sure what this is signaling, per se, but there seems to be a focus on low-budget, food-related assaults recently. Maybe the Blue Box is less expensive than a good knife?
From the North Platte Telegraph, we get this:
An unemployed 48-year-old North Platte man was arrested Saturday after police said he assaulted his live-in girlfriend with a cooking pot because he was upset she made him macaroni for dinner.
According to the police report, [the suspect] was intoxicated and assaulted his girlfriend with the pot when he discovered she made macaroni for his dinner. The assault caused the food to be tossed throughout the residence, as he struck her with the pot, according to the report.
And deli meat is FAR more economical than brass knuckles. From the Florida-based TC Palm:
A 19-year-old man accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off and nearly causing a traffic crash is facing domestic battery and child abuse charges, according to a recently released police report.
The victim told police that [the suspect] got angry while she drove and “started to hit her in the arm and striking her in the face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off her face,” the report states. [The suspect] told investigators that, indeed, he argued. He said he “didn’t want to hit her so he threw a sandwich at her striking her in the face knocking her glasses off.”
He also admitted beating the windshield with the mirror and his fist.
The type of sandwich hurled was not specified in the report.
As the Dallas Morning News reports, someone is vandalizing local homes with jarred sauce.
Frisco police are investigating at least eight incidents in which jars of spaghetti sauce have been thrown at cars and homes, causing several hundred dollars worth of damage. In one incident, a jar of Great Value brand onions was thrown, along with a jar of garlic spaghetti sauce. “Maybe they were trying to make a good sauce,” Sgt. Meadors said.
Specifically, jars of spaghetti sauce – various flavors and brands, according to the police report – are breaking windows and landing on vehicles, costing owners $4,600 in damages and generally making a mess.
One poor guy has been hit twice:
Mr. Anglin said the first time, he came out to his porch and found a huge mess.
“The very next Saturday, I came outside and I looked up and noticed the sauce, and then I looked down and that’s when my child said, ‘Dad, we were hit again,'” he told KTVT-TV.
Three young men in Maine were arrested August 29 for what I would consider bargain hunting. The Bangor Daily News reports:
The Skinny Dip sandwich at the Black Frog Restaurant is free if you bare all and brave a jump into the cold waters of Moosehead Lake, but the court fee for indecent conduct isn’t.
Three friends who took the plunge bare-naked over the weekend and had the tasty sliced prime rib in a baguette roll may now have wished they’d ordered another meal or paid the $10.95 for the sandwich.
See, the restaurant backs up to a small lake, and have outdoor seating on a barge. When our heroes expressed interest in dropping their pants for the free sandwich, the restaurant owner asked his other patrons if they would mind. None did, and the young men proceeded with their naked jump in the lake.
Sadly, their jump did offend a family that was standing on a nearby boardwalk (they were the ones who called the police to complain), as well as a local gamewarden who was refueling his boat. Police came to the restaurant to arrest the jumpers.
Here’s where it gets good:
When police arrived and issued the summons, all of the restaurant patrons on the barge pitched in and donated money to the streakers to help pay the fine, according to Turner. He believed the guests provided about $150 to each of the three skinny dippers.
The Class E crime is punishable by up to six months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000, but the local District attorney said the punishment for such a misdemeanor would not involve jail time and that the fine would likely range from $300 to $500 each.
And the restaurant owner will continue to offer a free sandwich for diners who take the plunge.
Thanks for Reader Sara for allerting me to the following food crime, first reported by the AP at CNN.com:
Officials: Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage whack
Fresno, CA, authorities arrested a 22-year-old man they found hiding in a field wearing a t-shirt, boxers and socks. He’d left his wallet and ID behind after he ransacked the home of two farmworkers.I feel like this part of the capture could have been avoided if he were wearing pants.
The news report is somewhat lacking in details, but it does offer this image:
The farmworkers told deputies the suspect woke them Saturday morning by rubbing spices on one of them and smacking the other with an 8-inch sausage.
The suspect is also accused of taking money from the farmworkers’ home, but it was recovered.
As a follow-up to the chicken beating, we have a sausage attack. This comes to us from the Daytona Beach News-Journal:
Man arrested after beaning mom with sausage
A 46-year-old man was jailed for beaning his mother with a three-pound pack of polish sausage, police said.
Gregory Allan Praeger was charged with battery on Saturday after admitting he threw the 3-pound package of sausage at his mother and hitting her in the head, a DeLand police report said.
But the story would not be complete without this response from a loyal reader:
You’ve never sau-sage a mess.
Today, rather than post about the preparation of food, I offer my commentary of food-related current events. From the Jackson (MI) Citizen Patriot, via MLive.com:
Man faces charges in assault with chicken
An Ypsilanti man is accused of stabbing his mother in the back with a dinner fork and clubbing another woman over the head with 10 pounds of frozen chicken.
It’s kind of a convoluted story about a 40-year old man with a criminal record waking his mom up in the wee hours of the morning and demanding cash, and then stabbing her with the fork (the attack drew some blood but did not cause serious injury) when she said no, but the chicken incident happened separately:
(The prosecutor) Blumer said that a day after he stabbed his mother, McKaney was riding a bicycle at 7:30 p.m. Monday when he encountered two women talking on the sidewalk on Woodbridge.
“He said something nasty to them and they responded in kind,” Blumer said.
“He jumped off his bike and hit one woman over the head with 10 pounds of chicken.”
The woman was treated at Foote Hospital, and had five staples in her head, Blumer said. The husband of the victim in the poultry assault trailed McKaney in a pickup truck and flagged a responding officer on Biddle Street, Deputy Chief John Holda said.
This is not a good way to tenderize meat, people. Nor is biking a good way to carry uncooked poultry in the summer.