“Oddly prepared to stop living on…”

David Darlington of In the Agora posted this video, a tribute to William F. Buckley Jr. that Charlie Rose ran on his show on Feb. 28, the day Buckley died.

The show is an hour, but if you have the time, it’s worth watching and enjoying. Buckley was a frequent guest on Charlie Rose, and Rose put together some highlights from some of Buckley’s appearances. If nothing else, watch the first five minutes and skip ahead to the last four minutes to hear Rose’s tribute to Buckley.What stood out to me was the quote above, which came after Rose asked Buckley in a 2005 interview if he sometimes wished he was 20. Buckley had just said he sometimes cringed at his old material, including God and Man at Yale. Buckley insisted that, no, he wouldn’t even become 25 years younger than the 80 years he was that day. He went on, to explain that he’s “tired of life,” and that he was “oddly prepared to stop living on.”

Rose mused that maybe it was that Buckley had done it all. No, Buckley said. No matter if you lived a full and great life, or if you didn’t, “you reach a desire, a certain age in your life where there doesn’t seem to be much point in continuing.”

It was 2005, and Buckley had just divested of his shares in National Review. He had stopped sailing, skiing, debating on Firing Line and speaking publicly, and he was working on his final Blackford Oakes novel. It was apparent he was doing his best to tie up loose ends. After his wife Patricia died last year, Buckley’s syndicated column slowed to a crawl, and perhaps his preparation for death was complete. Buckley battled diabetes and emphysema during his final years. Even so, you’d think he’d have much to live for.

For one that was such a bon vivant, such a revelation is chilling. Maybe it’s true. When I was living in LaPorte, Ind., I had an elderly neighbor who lived in one of the apartments downstairs from me. I’d talk to him from time to time, and one day I saw him the day or two after Christmas. I asked how his Christmas was. He shrugged. It was a little strange, as he had spent it with his family — several children and grandchildren. But he wasn’t overly enthused, even if nothing was wrong with Christmas.

“When you’ve had 85 Christmases, they don’t all seem that exciting anymore,” he said.

He died in his home a few months later.